An iv19 Sol 7° Cancer, Luna 16° Gemini Dies Mercurii Wednesday, June 29, 2011 e.v. 10:39 AM

Still borrowing internet off of my back porch from the neighbors.  Terribly annoying.
I think I may have had the best birthday ever on the 25th when we were in Kansas City, MO.
The show was incredible.  It was held in F.D. 31, which couldn't have been more appropriate.  The venue was open and had wonderful reverberation. It was very inspiring to have so many people approach me and say 'you're with ctephin?!"  We played first with Language of Light, our wonderful friends, and then they played with us as I thumb piano'd and Stef tape manipulated and I recited the entire third chapter of Liber LXV.  (just give me a reason to do that!)
It was an adventure going up there.  We were stopped by a Kansas deputy who just swore up and down we were drug runners.  He pulled us out of our car and searched each of us, and my purse which was in the car.  Guess he was a bit surprised by the fiber pills, vial of empty holy oil (Ruthvah) and particularly the blue glove and battery operated boyfriend I also had in there.  I thought it was funny that he had to touch it, maybe he shouldn't be going through girls' purses.
We didn't have drugs, so he let us go.  The rest of the trip, and the visit with Noah and Linda of Roil Noise was lovely, perfect even.
Got home, the house was dirty and smelled like people were smoking in it.  Oh well, my fault for trusting older teenagers and twenty somethings' to babysit the house.  At least the kids were elsewhere.

An iv19 Sol 3° Cancer, Luna 19° Aries Dies Veneris Friday, June 24, 2011 e.v. 7:26 PM

I've been unable to get an internet connection, and a bit shut in, visiting lots of people who are coming and going in my home.  Mainly brethren, some potential brethren.
I'm getting ready for the ctephin show tomorrow, my birthday, in Kansas City,MO at the Firehouse.  I'm a bundle of nerves and my kids have gone all directions, kind of like a chaos star I suppose.

An iv19 Sol 23° Gemini, Luna 13° Sagittarius Dies Martis Tuesday, June 14, 2011 e.v. 8:43 PM

Just hailed the sunset, it's pink and beautiful since a nice afternoon thunderstorm came in and cleared out all of the sticky city air.  The girls have been sent upstairs for the evening to go to bed, and I'm feeling a bit drowsy after the days' trying to keep the house clean and such and so on.

Had some investor come to look at the house, hopefully they'll buy it and let us stay here.  That's the best case scenario at least.  We don't want to have to move because the house is exactly central to all of the girls' special art and science schools.  They seemed a bit taken aback by all of my religious art, which I admit is everywhere.  Looking around the house one could tell I'm very religious, but not exactly what kind of religious.

Went to temple today for a little while.  Hadn't gone in there yesterday and apparently our cat Oosel was trapped in there about 24 hours.  He made a mess of the window blinds but otherwise he was fine.  He was pretty happy to see people, and stuck around the house a lot more than usual today.

While I was in the temple I prayed a bit after banishing.  It felt good to do, but I'm still needing to get back into my meditation routine badly.  I've failed sticking with my task miserably lately.

An iv19 Sol 22° Gemini, Luna 27° Scorpio Dies Lunæ Monday, June 13, 2011 e.v.

Finally got around to trying to get internet back, enjoyed a few days offline playing Final Fantasy VII and had some good visiting with siblings and a couple really fortuitous meditation sessions with results.  Over the few days Kali Ma came to me in the form of a huge beautiful indwelt painting which is now hanging over my bed and I've acquired a few good books and several other good things have happened.

The girls are starting to get into a summer routine, they're enjoying playing in the back yard a lot or down the street with neighbors and a wading pool.  My teens are hardly home at all.

I've been practicing my thumb piano and dulcimer while brushing up on the memorization of the third chapter of Liber LXV, which I am going to recite in front of an audience while we headline on my birthday, June 25, in Kansas City Missouri at the Firehouse with Language of Light and Rabbit Girls and a few other bands and surprised guests.  I am stoked.

An iv19 Sol 17° Gemini, Luna 15° Virgo Dies Mercurii Wednesday, June 08, 2011 e.v.

Got up this morning with the desire to clean, did quite a bit before I realized that the moon is in Virgo.  That figures, being that in my nativity it is also in Virgo.  You'd think that would make me a neat freak, but no.  Just means I like to keep my emotions in order and the house gets cleaned well only three or so days a month.  My Moon is opposed my Ascendant which is Pisces in the sign of Jupiter.  Mostly meaning I'd rather drink wine and sit around happily optimistic in my messy house.

It's hot today, although impossible to keep my kids from wanting to venture outdoors.  I've run out of surfaces to assign for dusting and washing with the little ones, and it is almost time to start cooking dinner.  I think maybe it will be ramen noodles tonight.  Mom's lazy now.

Felt a bit guilty tonight watching the sun set and wanting to hail it but also enjoying listening to my Brother speak about runes at the Oasis.  Left the kids at home for a little while, did enjoy going back even though I gripe bitterly about the place in the same breath.  I do miss doing Mass as Priestess.  Hopefully that will happen again someday.  Got some good work done while there, though.  That's the one thing, join the OTO and officer, you'll work.  You'll have to also memorize a mantra- I love the OTO, I love my Oasis and I love my Brothers and Sisters.

Got home and the kids are in bed.  Time to enjoy a little quiet.

An iv19 Sol 17° Gemini, Luna 4° Virgo Dies Martis Tuesday, June 07, 2011 e.v.

It has been very hot, but relatively comfortable in the house.  We've got the curtains up across the doorways again, like every year.  Kind of makes it seem smaller in here, but I don't really mind.
Kids stayed outside most of the day,  Pixie went off to a friends' for the night and returned late, we were preparing a curried stir fry when she finally got home.  Laylah had fun playing alone most of the day as the older girls only came in occasionally to eat.  Everyone seems to be hungry so much more often in the summertime.

I fought with myself all day regarding my work with the one Order, while wanting to turn my focus completely on my A.'.A.'. work.  I haven't made a decision yet.  One of the Orders I belong to is very corporal.  It takes so much time, and energy, and breaks my heart.  Not that the A.'.A.'. doesn't break one's heart, just on a deeper level, and for a reason.  I thought I had a reason with the corporal order, but time is bringing me to seeing my work there is only bringing me physical pleasure if any pleasure at all.  Even that is at extreme cost.

Entered temple around two, had a chance to banish and pray.  It felt very good.   I have found an entire new world open up to me working with the Sephira and less with elemental energies.  I'm taking it as pathwork, and less of the planetary magick I so much enjoyed a year ago.  The first year of my Probation spent blowing myself up, this second year spent humbled by having done so.  It is said 'after the first year his initiation MAY be granted to him'.   What earnest Probationer deserves it at just one?

Ah, ten o'clock and silence.  It is a good time to meditate on these thoughts I would suppose.

An iv19 Sol 15° Gemini, Luna 15° Leo Dies Lunæ Monday, June 06, 2011 e.v. 12:56 PM

For some reason the neighbors turned off their shared internet connection and I didn't have a chance to post yesterday.  That was not really something I worried about much at the time, I was too busy gathering and distributing the amazing booty which showed up at 9 a.m. in a truckload completely unannounced, and unanticipated.

I've come across the first fact of blogging.  Once I have committed to doing so I will immediately be thwarted by every conceivable distraction to keep me from doing so.  Blog kundries.  What a hoot.

Was particularly annoyed today.  People came and went and demanded my attention here and there.  I did manage to send off a couple of kiddos to various summer destinations for the day and it as rather quiet on the child front.  Laylah, the youngest, plays rather well without competition.

Yesterday was amazing, it seemed like as I went through the bounty that arrived every little nick knack or item that I just kind offhandedly desired showed up, down to the needed alarm clock.  I got a neat new table, which is an antique with strange fold out props of some sort on it.  The biggest part of the bounty was a full stereo system with four foot tall speakers, a five disk cd changer and receiver with duel cassette and an enormous bass woofer.  This is impressive to me as I've been wanting speakers, and not only has the gift fairy (or that rotund ruddy jocund God Jupiter) given me speakers but four foot tall ones.

I have absolute complete faith in my magick.

Off to hail the sunset again now.

An iv19 Sol 13° Gemini, Luna 18° Cancer Dies Saturnii Saturday, June 04, 2011 e.v.

One by one the girls are going out the door for various birthday parties or Saturday visits, only one little one left who is too young to go out to friends' houses.  She hasn't quite figured out that one, and I anticipate plenty of tears once she discovers that she's alone.  Hopefully the Qubo channel will distract her enough to minimize the angst of nobody to play with-itis.
Moon's in Cancer- meaning the morning was spent with me being full of piss and bile, ready to bite the heads off of the unsuspecting- also meaning that my Cancerian daughter (born on my 25th birthday and NOTHING like me) has shed her share of tears due to various disappointments all morning already.  It is amazing how much she is affected by the Cancer moon, I can almost set my clock to her moodswings.
The day started frustrating, money scarce and reminders of the need for more lingering over us like and  popping up like a poorly timed whack-a-mole game.  I had burned a sigil yesterday and was trying to keep my optimism while scratching around looking for something that would be valuable enough to pawn to get us through the weekend.  Almost immediately before the fruitless pawn shop trip a letter came in the mail promising more income monthly for us.  Sigil answered quickly and adequately (never more than we absolutely need), impatience noted.  

An iv19 Sol 12° Gemini, Luna 4° Cancer Dies Veneris Friday, June 03, 2011 e.v.

 12:05 PM- It was hot already this morning when the kids stomped downstairs for breakfast sounding more like a herd of elephants than a 5,6, 10 and 11 year old.  We had tried to sleep in the bedroom hoping it would be cooler, but alas I got up several times to bitch and moan about the heat before crawling back into my sweaty bed next to my sweaty mate.
I dreamed about my teacher, which was very comforting, it has been a long time since she's entered my dreams. I've been floundering in particular with my aspiration and was hoping for some kind of sign that I had not been thrown off the path.  I had even debated writing her yesterday, although I really didn't have anything to say.  Sometimes an aspirant just needs a little bit of a nudge.  It is amazing to me that when I really do flounder seriously I am always given that nudge.
Going to enter temple now.  Didn't get to last night.

9:10 pm.- Just hailed the sunset in silence, the sky darkening quickly before me and mosquitoes taking their nightly fill on my legs.  I didn't care so much for the insect phleb attack if it meant a few moments of silence.

The day was spent with the little ones getting progressively dirtier in the backyard.  Several times they had to be ushered into the air conditioning and served glasses of water because of bright red cheeks and overheating.  The older girls stomped all over the neighborhood stalking a missing cat whose sign was posted on the telephone poles around the neighborhood.  When they bored of that hunt they approached me one at a time hoping for ice cream or some kind of snack.  It is amazing how much a bored kid can eat in the summertime.

Temple time was short, had a chance to bathe and do an LBRP and pray.  I've been using the Sephirotic Prayer which is in the Greater Key of Solomon for about six months now.  Life is so much calmer if I just banish and pray.  A great contrast to a year ago when I blew myself up by doing invocations daily that apparently overlapped.  Also, I learned the hard way, the Bornless  Ritual does nothing less than invoke the Demiurge upon the user.

An iv19 Sol 12° Gemini, Luna 27° Gemini Dies Jovis Thursday, June 02, 2011 e.v. 10:49 PM

I woke this morning to being stomped on, having pulled the mattress into the living room to sleep under the air conditioner.  It's gotten hot already, and this is what we do every year in this old 1920 farmhouse we live in.  Kids had the Qubo channel blasting and my husband's Star Wars' video game had some kind of alarm going off which apparently had invaded my dreams.
Spent the day on the computer reading a new friend's blog about his book which he's working on called the Family of Dog Series and some of his completed chapters which he had sent me.  When I was finished with that I picked up the Book of Lies by Aleister Crowley and had almost finished it (in the bathroom, where I get my best reading done) when one of my daughters apparently put a wet washcloth inside of it causing me to have to postpone finishing it until it's dry now.
Got the peaches from the meager harvest of the little broken tree in the back yard which I have so valiantly tried to save these four years we've lived here and is now propped up by boards and a large wooden cross and I cut them up and made a cobbler for the kiddos as expected every year.  Before I started the whole ordeal I went into the back yard and thanked the tree again and then hailed the sun with Liber Resh vel Helios- a solar adoration I do four times a day.
The cobbler took forever to finally cook, and afterward I bathed the two littlest ones, hailed the sun one more time at sunset and shoo'd them all back upstairs to 'kidland' to bed.  I'm so grateful for bedtime, the only time of the day when my mind and body and thoughts are mainly my own.
I have intention to sit down tonight after midnight for meditation, using Liber E, doing some asana sitting and pranayama in my temple.  During the school year I generally do these meditations at noon until three when the kids are in school.  During the winter and break times, I'm lucky to get to the temple at all, and generally it is better received by all if I do it while everyone is asleep.

Welcome to My World- June 2, 2011 ev

A long time ago I had a thriving blog, but then the website it was on went down and I haven't picked it up elsewhere.  It had begun when I was a new student of the mysteries, my two youngest children were very small and my teens weren't nearly as independent.  I think I had a lot more thought to put down on paper in those days, mainly frustration and boredom while one handed typing and nursing a toddler.

I'll start by introducing myself, since you've wandered into my lair of mundania.  I'm Aedria- that's my real name by the way- I've always liked my name for it's uniqueness and later when I started studying gematria learned it has a nice numerological attribution.  I'm mainly just a Mother, I have seven wonderful daughters who range in age from five years old to 19.  In my free time, if I get some, I make musick using manipulated sounds as well as recordings of my dulcimer and thumb piano or any various noisy instrument.  This is not done nearly as often as it used to, I've focused a lot of my mind elsewhere these last few years and we've dropped from five releases a year to one a year at best.  The band is called ctephin, and it is classified as dark ambient noise as a close approximation of its genre.  When we play live we generally go all out and do full magical invocations, the audience is always perplexed afterward.

I started studying the Mysteries, as I've said before, back in 2007, getting very interested in 2008 when I signed my oath and task as a student of the Order A.'.A.'. .  I've gradually grown in that, learning more about myself in the process than I really intended to, and finding that the Work is much more difficult than I ever dreamed possible with very little reward.  I eventually joined the Ordo Templi Orientis and got involved in that and have been working on this corporal level to do some good in promulgating the Law of Thelema, which I humbly ascribe to.  (For anyone who does not know what Thelema is it means "Will" and it is a belief structure and Law which was received by Aleister Crowley in the early part of the 20th century with his communication with a praeter-natural entity who transmitted the Book of the Law or Liber AL vel Legis.  There are many definitions of this and I do not care to go into them at this time.).  

My interest in the occult has spurred me to practice various methods of ceremonial magic, and this blog is the musings of a Mother, Musician and Magician.  I hope that it is enjoyed.