Bored, nihilistic and afraid of nothing. I realized not too many days ago that when I miscarried that fetus, salted and saved it in a locket, charged it with 22 days of gnostic Mass, most of which I priestessed, while also confining my practices in my Probation to simple banishing and prayer...On the anniversary of my firstborn child and son (who was actually a late mid-term miscarriage that I hid from my parents when I was just a girl) I did a simple ritual, in front of a mirror with the instruction from a friend's 'received' message. And I consumed him, who I had named Nemo.
It was the most holy of any ritual I have ever experienced, I had communion and communication as no sacramental ritual has ever reached. I realized later as I changed, after a crisis exactly at that time, and drastically. It is so visible it is almost scary to myself. I have lost more than 50 pounds, and my hair has grown several inches, and I can see my face looks so much younger and alive. I am also finding times when I realize I'm making my universe, and then reciprocal (always immediate reciprocal) hits from anything I do to hasten or manipulate it ceremonially. Case in point, I did a goetic working out of desperate need, and I am also nursing my mama cat who is mothball poisoned in my temple and having seizures and neurological symptoms and occasionally cries out... But, every thing I asked for, and it wasn't large or excessive, was accomplished (after a little tease) perfectly (the first demand, which was for a specific amount of money to come easily and effortlessly- accomplished only when I wrote the name of the spirit down in my diary- and then ironically and immediately in a phone call made to the lady waiting for her hearing who was sitting in front of us and loaned the phone).
He's yet to wear off when it comes to imparting philosophy, as I'm still sitting in an open temple in which I've called him again after getting a vision of a 'persoalized' triangle.
Careless and unrestrained. Effortless and magically exhilarating.
My purpose tonight was to help me with my lilfe insurance producer license test tomorrow which I have not had time to study for appropriately and use the study aids I had available to me due to #1- the test being scheduled and my pride for not wanting to admit my unpreparedness. and #2 I am stealing internet and the Gods have not been benevolent until tonight and I'm distracted by Furcas and my crying/dying seizing momma cat whose three babies are only 3 weeks old and not even eating solid food yet. Luckily our cat Lucifer is still nursing the kittens born on the fourth of july and will hold still while growling while they nurse.
We're keeping two of them, they have black fur with gray white tips, I've never seen a cat that color. I've named mine Cloud.
I've started working and spending a lot of time with my Sisters. They are reminding me of what it is to be a lady. I suppose I never learned, because I have been a momma and my sole focus has been on my children since the day I heard windchimes as my puppy Missa took her last breath on my lap and I prayed to God, 'if you take my dog, you can at least give me a baby', and my light and darling beautiful amazing beyond words Daughter Kaylan was conceived. I had just turned 17, and her father is a whole other story not even worth revisiting. He at least was the teacher of many of life's hard lessons, and the giver of a gift beyond compare.
My partner in crime and growing up buddy is a beautiful free individual and I am glad we didn't force her to make the decision to be that way, only led by example, and I did cry when she came to us and said 'mom, dad, I think I'm a Thelemite'.
Ah. Now I'm on borrowed time, begged my boss to cancel my test. Hopefully she'll not make me do it anyway. I admit defeat there.
I've backed out, no lines moving. Can relax now and clean the house for another bank, our house is still up in the air, still for sale, still being sold, and perhaps has defaulted by now and we haven't been told yet.
I have full and perfect certainty of my will and do not stop and ask why.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
An iv19 Sol 17° Virgo, Luna 26° Aquarius Dies Saturnii Saturday, September 10, 2011 e.v. 6:47 AM
Bored, nihilistic and afraid of nothing. I realized not too many days ago that when I miscarried that fetus, salted and saved it in a locket, charged it with 22 days of gnostic Mass, most of which I priestessed, while also confining my practices in my Probation to simple banishing and prayer...On the anniversary of my firstborn child and son (who was actually a late mid-term miscarriage that I hid from my parents when I was just a girl) I did a simple ritual, in front of a mirror with the instruction from a friend's 'received' message. And I consumed him, who I had named Nemo.
It was the most holy of any ritual I have ever experienced, I had communion and communication as no sacramental ritual has ever reached. I realized later as I changed, after a crisis exactly at that time, and drastically. It is so visible it is almost scary to myself. I have lost more than 50 pounds, and my hair has grown several inches, and I can see my face looks so much younger and alive. I am also finding times when I realize I'm making my universe, and then reciprocal (always immediate reciprocal) hits from anything I do to hasten or manipulate it ceremonially. Case in point, I did a goetic working out of desperate need, and I am also nursing my mama cat who is mothball poisoned in my temple and having seizures and neurological symptoms and occasionally cries out... But, every thing I asked for, and it wasn't large or excessive, was accomplished (after a little tease) perfectly. He's yet to wear off when it comes to imparting philosophy, as I'm still sitting in an open temple in which I've called him again after getting a vision of a 'persoalized' triangle.
Careless and unrestrained.
My purpose was to help me with my lilfe insurance producer license test tomorrow which I have not had time to study for appropriately and use the study aids I had available to me due to #1- the test being scheduled and my pride for not wanting to admit my unpreparedness. and #2 I am stealing internet and the Gods have not been benevolent until tonight and I'm distracted by Furcas and my crying/dying seizing momma cat whose three babies are only 3 weeks old and not even eating solid food yet. Luckily our cat Lucifer is still nursing the kittens born on the fourth of july and will hold still while growling while they nurse.
We're keeping two of them, they have black fur with gray white tips, I've never seen a cat that color. I've named mine Cloud.
I've started working and spending a lot of time with my Sisters. They are reminding me of what it is to be a lady. I suppose I never learned, because I have been a momma and my sole focus has been on my children since the day I heard windchimes as my puppy Missa took her last breath on my lap and I prayed to God, 'if you take my dog, you can at least give me a baby', and my light and darling beautiful amazing beyond words Daughter Kaylan was conceived. I had just turned 17, and her father is a whole other story not even worth revisiting. He at least was the teacher of many of life's hard lessons, and the giver of a gift beyond compare.
My partner in crime and growing up buddy is a beautiful free individual and I am glad we didn't force her to make the decision to be that way, only led by example, and I did cry when she came to us and said 'mom, dad, I think I'm a Thelemite'.
Ah. Now I'm on borrowed time, begged my boss to cancel my test. Hopefully she'll not make me do it anyway. I admit defeat there.
I've backed out, no lines moving. Can relax now and clean the house for another bank, our house is still up in the air, still for sale, still being sold, and perhaps has defaulted by now and we haven't been told yet.
It was the most holy of any ritual I have ever experienced, I had communion and communication as no sacramental ritual has ever reached. I realized later as I changed, after a crisis exactly at that time, and drastically. It is so visible it is almost scary to myself. I have lost more than 50 pounds, and my hair has grown several inches, and I can see my face looks so much younger and alive. I am also finding times when I realize I'm making my universe, and then reciprocal (always immediate reciprocal) hits from anything I do to hasten or manipulate it ceremonially. Case in point, I did a goetic working out of desperate need, and I am also nursing my mama cat who is mothball poisoned in my temple and having seizures and neurological symptoms and occasionally cries out... But, every thing I asked for, and it wasn't large or excessive, was accomplished (after a little tease) perfectly. He's yet to wear off when it comes to imparting philosophy, as I'm still sitting in an open temple in which I've called him again after getting a vision of a 'persoalized' triangle.
Careless and unrestrained.
My purpose was to help me with my lilfe insurance producer license test tomorrow which I have not had time to study for appropriately and use the study aids I had available to me due to #1- the test being scheduled and my pride for not wanting to admit my unpreparedness. and #2 I am stealing internet and the Gods have not been benevolent until tonight and I'm distracted by Furcas and my crying/dying seizing momma cat whose three babies are only 3 weeks old and not even eating solid food yet. Luckily our cat Lucifer is still nursing the kittens born on the fourth of july and will hold still while growling while they nurse.
We're keeping two of them, they have black fur with gray white tips, I've never seen a cat that color. I've named mine Cloud.
I've started working and spending a lot of time with my Sisters. They are reminding me of what it is to be a lady. I suppose I never learned, because I have been a momma and my sole focus has been on my children since the day I heard windchimes as my puppy Missa took her last breath on my lap and I prayed to God, 'if you take my dog, you can at least give me a baby', and my light and darling beautiful amazing beyond words Daughter Kaylan was conceived. I had just turned 17, and her father is a whole other story not even worth revisiting. He at least was the teacher of many of life's hard lessons, and the giver of a gift beyond compare.
My partner in crime and growing up buddy is a beautiful free individual and I am glad we didn't force her to make the decision to be that way, only led by example, and I did cry when she came to us and said 'mom, dad, I think I'm a Thelemite'.
Ah. Now I'm on borrowed time, begged my boss to cancel my test. Hopefully she'll not make me do it anyway. I admit defeat there.
I've backed out, no lines moving. Can relax now and clean the house for another bank, our house is still up in the air, still for sale, still being sold, and perhaps has defaulted by now and we haven't been told yet.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)